Early in my marriage, whenever I am offended by my husband, I will let him know and will expect an apology not just “sorry” but a genuine apology admitting that he has done wrong and he is sorry for doing that. God help him if he doesn’t agree that he has wronged me, and refuses to apologise! Argh! Double trouble!
I will begin to act in ways that show that I don’t care, the things I know mean respect to him, I will intentionally not do. I will say to myself “after all, respect begets respect”, “he hasn’t earned my respect”, “he doesn’t deserve my respect” etc. Before I knew it, things degenerated from bad to worse as he would respond by withholding his love and affection because he felt disrespected and I continued behaving disrespectfully because I felt unloved by him. …And the crazy cycle continued! It usually took one of us yielding to the Holy Spirit to break the cycle. Honestly, looking back now, I can’t even remember many of the reasons for those fights
To respect one’s husband means to hold him in high regard, to honour him, to speak highly of him, to praise him. Respect means different things to different men, so it is important to ask your husband what respect means to him and how he would love to be respected by you. It goes beyond kneeling or saying “Sir”, because you might do all of those and he still doesn’t feel respected by you. For some men, just your act of obedience to what they say shows you respect.
The world we live in today is such that many wives like to battle it out with their husbands and show that they also deserve to be respected. Yes, you deserve to be respected by him, but there is a way to go about it. A wrong attitude may appear to earn you a win outside marriage but not in marriage! God’s word which has not changed remains the standard not what anyone says. In Eph 5:33b “The wife MUST respect her husband” (NLT). “MUST” there doesn’t give conditions for respect. In other words, even when you are unhappy with him, you still respect him! Why? Because God said it! Why? Because he is your HEAD! Why? Because he is your lord! Why? Because it is one major NEED for him! Why? Because this is what true love means to him!
Little wonder why some husbands are attracted to their maids even when her beauty is nowhere compared to the beauty of the madam of the house! The reason is not farfetched; she is super respectful to him and easily meets that need his beloved wife is having difficulty in meeting because she wants to “show him”. I’m surprised when I see how some women worship their pastors but find it so hard to give their husbands even half of that worship, that niceness, that respect, that honour; If only they would accord their husbands similar honour, their marriage will be sweeter. Wives, your husband has more authority over you than your pastor!!! Yes! Your covenant is with your husband and not your pastor!
Single ladies; do not marry a man you know you cannot respect! That is the beginning of the end of the marriage! Once you say “I do” you are saying you allow him to be your head and that means he has authority over you. Wives, do not speak ill of your husband to anyone, when you do, you speak ill of yourself indirectly because you are one!
What if you have a husband who you think does not deserve any respect from you because of his annoying behaviour? Seek Godly counsel; two wrongs do not make a right. Look for one thing to praise him for and you watch how things take a positive turn.
This post does not in any way give husbands the liberty to ill-treat their wives and command respect from them. The Bible enjoins you to love her and handle her delicately not harshly.
My husband doesn’t need to work hard to earn my respect, he has my respect. He deserves my respect, he is the most amazing man on the planet and I will sing his praises irrespective of his weaknesses.
Break the crazy cycle in your marriage today and choose to sing your husband’s praises anyway! Ask him what respect means to him. Begin to respect him the way he desires to be respected by you and not the way you think he should be respected! Got it? The results will amaze you! God bless you and yours!
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CREDIT © : Dr Blessing Ekundayo